When Things Go Pear Shaped
How to deal with things when they don't go to plan!
When Things Go Pear-Shaped
This week, something unexpected happened. The studio where I teach on Tuesday evening was double booked. My SLOW class and a sound bath class landed on the same evening, at similar times. My 90 min class was 45 mins in when this blooper was discovered!!!!EEEK!!!!
It wasn’t a big drama—we worked it out. But in the moment, I felt that little inner wobble: Do I dig in? Do I defend my ground? Do I slip into shame for “getting it wrong/messing up”?
This is where yoga steps off the mat and into real life.
The Shadows That Arise
When things go pear-shaped, our “shadows” often show up:
- Shame – as Brené Brown reminds us, shame says “I am bad.” It focuses on the self rather than the behaviour, leaving us feeling flawed and unworthy.
- Guilt – guilt says “I did something bad.” It’s the discomfort we feel when we evaluate what we’ve done or failed to do.
- Embarrassment – that cringe of being seen as less than perfect.
- Avoidance – pretending it didn’t happen, brushing over it, hoping no one noticed, not taking any accountability.
- Reactivity – digging in, insisting we’re right, placing blame, or lashing out.
All of these responses are deeply human. We’ve all been there. And yet, yoga and self-study invite us to pause and choose differently.
Yogic Philosophy as a Guide
- Ahimsa (non-harming): Choose kindness over conflict—for ourselves and others.
- Aparigraha (non-grasping): Release the tight hold on “my time, my space.”
- Svadhyaya (self-study): Notice the inner patterns—do I tend toward shame, blame, or avoidance? Can I stay curious instead of judgmental?
And from my teacher Elena Brower, a mantra I return to again and again when these shadows show up:
“How human of me.”
It’s a gentle reminder that imperfection is not failure—it’s part of the shared human experience.
The Antidote to Shame
Going back to Brené Brown, she teaches that the antidote to shame is self-compassion and empathy. This means:
- Self-kindness – speaking to ourselves as we would a dear friend.
- Common humanity – remembering that mistakes and missteps are part of being human and we all do it.
- Mindfulness – noticing our feelings without being consumed by them.
This combination loosens the grip of shame and creates the space to grow, to learn, and to reconnect with others.
Steps to Consider When Things Don’t Go to Plan
- Take a deep breath. Before reacting, pause. Let the nervous system settle.
- Walk in the other person’s shoes. They’re probably just as surprised as you are.
- Stay open-hearted. Is there room for compromise? Connection over conflict?
- Release perfection. Mistakes are inevitable. How human of us!
- Practice self-compassion. Instead of spiralling into shame, soften with kindness.
- Learn and move forward. What small shift can you make next time.
The Heart of It
In my case, the teacher for the sound bath and I compromised, my class finished a little earlier, hers began a little later, and our students were beautifully gracious.
What could have become a source of tension instead became a reminder:
Living Yoga is not about perfection.
Yoga is about presence.
Yoga is about kindness.
Yoga is about remembering to laugh, soften, and lean into your heart even when life goes pear-shaped.
